Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize