so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
