Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
