ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
