hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Let's paint friendship bongs
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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