I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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