I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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