i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
