The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
