Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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