I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
