i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
