ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
