making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
