drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
