Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i think i just lost a toe
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
