dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
