Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
