Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
