??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
