it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
