after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
