His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
