soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
