It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
a search helicopter?!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize