You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
