oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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