I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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