The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
