I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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