just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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