I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
