it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
