omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Your dad touched me again.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
