lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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