you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
