I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
