You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize