And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
