I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
