You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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