Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
