I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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