Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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