i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
