I must be too annoying 4 u.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
