i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
