Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
