Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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