I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
