just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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