She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
