i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
