she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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