so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
