she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
