My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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