that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
