I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
