i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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