the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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