I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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