I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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