You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
