I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize