gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize