I just pynch a tree in the face
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
