i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
